What Is Money Teaching You?

Money is a tool.

Like I talk about often – it’s not good, or bad. It’s neutral. But it’s a tool that can support you as you follow your dreams and create amazing things in this world. It’s also a tool that can support you as you keep your family fed, safe and secure.

One way this tool isn’t often talked about is how it’s a powerful tool to show you exactly where you’re being called to heal. Have you heard of the psychological term “projection”? It is the idea that the qualities that we deny in ourselves, we see highlighted in others around us. A mirror showing us where in ourselves we have healing to do.

I like to see money in this light as well. The current state of our finances tell us a LOT about what we’re avoiding internally. The healing that is calling out to us, the pieces and parts of us that are asking for attention.

When you start to look at your relationship with money on an energetic level and begin to consciously move towards this healing path, chances are a lot of what you dig into has nothing to do with money. Why? Because money truly is just a tool. It’s an amazing, tangible, practical entry point that lets us dive into the healing that is being asked of you. Because in the end, it’s really not about the money.

And of course, the healing journey that we take will include releasing money regrets, shameful secrets or even letting go of guilt around what you’ve done in the past with money. But it’s also about so much more. It’s about reaching out to all of the pieces of ourselves we’ve been denying and inviting them out of the shadows. Integrating and processing what we’ve learned and weaving that into our lives so that we can live authentically in our power and truth.

I’m grateful for money in giving us that opening. This in-the-moment, tangible, physical representation of what’s going on inside.

A client this morning told me that as we’ve been working together, it’s as if she’s been birthing a new her, a new person. This process has been calling her through a journey to let go of her old ways and step into a new way of BEing. Creating new habits as we go through the healing process and helping her learn and access the tools she needs to be successful on the other side.

Like a “financial doula” is what she told me. Support, guidance and teaching during the birthing process. For the re-birth of the woman, who is shedding her skin as she’s being called for growth on this journey. Stepping out on the other side almost like a brand new person, with new habits, new tools and a hell of a lot more confidence to step out into her life as she moves towards her goals.

I invite you to really dig deep into this topic. Get out your journal or simply meditate on these questions:

What is your current financial situation here to teach you in this moment? What lessons do they hold? What pieces of yourself are they holding up for you to examine?

When we can step back out of the attachment most of us have with money and look at it in this detached way, there’s a lot that this tool can teach us about ourselves. A lot that we can learn about ourselves in the process. And who knows, maybe you’ll unknowingly be led towards your own re-birth? 😉

Budget Not Working? Here’s Why.

What does your low-carb diet, “insane” daily workout plan and down-to-the-penny budget all have in common?

They feel restrictive AF.

“If I only had enough WILLPOWER, strength, control over myself than we wouldn’t have [fill in the blank – so much debt, too little savings etc. etc.].” When the reality is that your willpower has nothing to do with your ballooning debt, over-spending or lack of savings [again fill in the blank]. The financial habits you’re attempting to force on yourself or your family are a distraction to avoid looking deeper at the real issue at hand. A bandaid fix that always start with the best of intentions, but ultimately erodes at your self-confidence when it fails or you miss the intended mark.

So let’s talk about your past or current budgets. Did they give you grace when you ultimately showed yourself human and not perfect? Were they created from love and trust – rather than fear and scarcity? Were your values placed as top priorities? Did you create it with your top financial goals in mind?

And most importantly – did the budgeting process and ultimate budget FEEL good? When you looked at it, thought about it, checked-in with it did you feel excited? 

These are all important factors to consider when it comes to creating your financial roadmap. Let’s just throw the word budget right out! Your roadmap should feel fun, exciting, an adventure on a path leading you towards your goals. Because if you’re not having fun, feeling free on the path – you won’t feel it when you get there either. That goes with everything in your life. 

Your finances aren’t supposed to feel hard. Your relationship with money can 100% be easy, fun and freeing. And if it’s not, it’s time to look at why.

You have to go past your current situation and habits and look deep. Deeper at the-subconscious beliefs and learned familial habits you have about money. You can do this in a number of ways, with clients one way I like to do it is through writing prompts. Try this one below and see what beliefs are highlighted by your response.

“In your own words write down how would you describe your current relationship with money? Imagine money as your partner and describe how you relate to one another, treat one another and communicate with each other.”

Is it a controlling relationship? A trusting relationship – do you trust that money will always be there to support you and provide for you? Do you avoid communication with money (aka looking at your balance and details)?

Prompts like these are an easy way to flesh out some of your beliefs through your habits when it comes to money. It also creates a path for you to follow when it comes to your own healing journey. 

When you start with understanding your beliefs and underlying habits when it comes to money, it makes creating your financial goals and roadmap a more enjoyable and easy process. You’re not fighting against yourself to *make* something happen, you’re letting money work with you to achieve your goals.

As a spiritual entrepreneur, it’s important to keep your relationship with money front of mind. Our current financial situation (including your budget status) can be very telling as to what is going on in the inside. Bring awareness to your habitual patterns, cycles and habits when it comes to your money. The awareness of these will highlight where your relationship is calling for healing.

If you’re feeling called to grow in this area and looking for support, find out how I can help by clicking here.

Feeling Unsupported? You’re Not Alone.

The weight of not feeling supported is heavy. The wound runs deep, and long. This collective wound has been passed down to you from your mother, who inherited it from her mother and so on and so on. Carried on just like a family heirloom. A pack that’s been slung over many backs, with no one yet willing to turn around and unpack its contents.

For most of us, when we think of support it brings to mind all of the ways that we HAVEN’T felt supported in our life. Maybe our parents didn’t support an interest we had growing up, or somebody shot down a hopeful career path. Or maybe support to you was simply being seen – embraced and appreciated for the effort that you put forth on a daily basis – and you didn’t feel that either.

The ways that you weren’t supported as a child, the experiences that you witnessed where someone you loved was not being supported or seen, are imprinted within you. Moments in time settled in your pack slung across your back, waiting until you are ready to heal the wounds that they created.

To me that’s what this healing path is all about.

Turning around into the darkness and beginning to look at the contents stored away behind you. The process of taking out the contents of your pack one by one and looking, feeling and accepting them. Whether they were experiences felt by you or simply ones that you had the job to continue carrying through this lifetime, they’re all there.

My guess is that unsupported is settled away in your pack.

What emotions come to mind when you think about being unsupported in your life?

Resentful, unloved and unworthy. Those are the emotions tied to my pack. The wounds that are dotted along my healing path.

How do you process these emotions? Clear the stagnant energy that’s been tied to this wound?

For me, it’s been love and time. There’s no easy answer for which path you will take on your healing journey. It’s not a linear path and no single path will EVER look the same. For me it’s a daily process. And I’ll be sharing a few of my tips to begin opening your awareness to the unsupported wound specifically. As you continue to broaden your awareness, allow yourself to be open to receiving divine guidance to assist you in moving forward in healing.

Have you consciously and intentionally sat down to write down what support looks like to you? If not, try it now. If you were to be fully supported in every way, what would that look like? It can be as abstract or as detailed as you’d like.

Below are some of the ways that support looks like to me:

  • Having time and space to myself every single day to create something I love whether it’s for personal or business (writing, drawing, etc.) – ideally 45 minutes to an hour
  • Splitting household/admin duties as it relates to running our household and managing things for the kids with my husband. ((I also created a broad list of what this entails))
  • Weekly check-in conversations with my husband to talk about what I need and what he needs – how can we help make sure that each other’s needs are met
  • Having $8,000+ after-taxes coming in monthly to support our current and evolving lifestyle that also enables me to spend at least two days at home with the girls

Now if you have a partner, ask them to create a “support” list for themselves. When you’re both done share your list with each other. Start to take a look to see where your needs are and aren’t being met, what about theirs? Start the dialogue about feeling unsupported and ways that you can bridge the gap together.

Once you’ve completed the exercise solo or with a partner, start to dig deeper. What is currently being met on your list? What isn’t? In what way can you begin to consciously arrange your schedule and day to accommodate for what leaves you feeling supported? What things are you going to surrender to a higher power for now?

Get creative. When I sat down to write this blog post I pulled a card from Prema Lee Gurreri’s Sacred Wealth Codes asking who we can call on to support us in the healing journey for our own support. It was The Muse. Call on The Muse to be a channel for creativity and genius, the one that makes life a form of art. Choose to stay open to the creative ways that support can flow to you and meet the needs you’ve consciously set out to receive. This is one exercise (of many) that can start to open up your awareness around this wound to help support you on your healing path. I’ll be sharing more in the future. If you’re looking for a safe space to unpack and continue on your healing journey, join us in Transform Your Relationship With Money, my new group on Facebook.

Keeping Up With Appearances

In our current age of 24/7 social media, snapchat filters and Instagram-models its hard to resist the urge to keep up appearances along with the masses. I’m guilty too.

But you know what’s typically missing from the never-ending stream in our online world? Vulnerability. Raw, unfiltered views into our lives and into our souls. And when they do pop through it’s undoubtedly refreshing and pulls at the part of you that craves connection. Now that the online world has replaced and dictates many of our in-real-life present moments, it’s important to keep vulnerability front of mind. As the online world is the place where it is the easiest to put on one of our many masks. 

Let’s talk about the appearances we exhaustingly keep up just for the sake of keeping up. And the masks that hold these all into place for us as we step further away from true connection.

So why is vulnerability so scary? Especially when it comes to our financial situation? 

Because if we talk about our *actual* financial situation to our family, friends, coworkers, random strangers on the street – what will they say? How will they judge us? What opinions will they form of me based on this limited amount of information? And really a lot of our unconscious living is ruled by this fear of opinions formed of ourselves based on information someone else receives. Even though we can’t possibly begin to control their lens, the many filters the information goes through or their thoughts… we still try desperately to manipulate this very thing.

How do we do that?

By altering our outward appearances and habits. By making purchases or simply comments to infer that we have more money in our bank account than we do in reality. Or to pretend as if we aren’t drowning in debt and that’s the real reason we can’t go out on Friday night. And on the flip side, some will infer that they have less and are actually worse off then they are in order to be accepted or viewed in a certain way by their circle, community or family. Having to appear less then in order to avoid an imaginary (or real) jealousy or simply to fit in with the struggle that someone else is experiencing.

In essence, pretending we have or don’t have something in the present moment to attempt to alter someone’s perception us and possibly to avoid certain interactions or conversations. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? But most of us do this all day long, and not only with our finances.

So why do we do that?

I believe in a desperate attempt to control our image, the mask(s) that we hold up for the world. 

And yes we can easily see that it would be so much easier to lower the mask and simply show up as we are… but most of us don’t. We hold firmly to our mask, believing in its protective powers in keeping us safe. Forgetting that our vulnerability is actually our biggest super power. Our tool for the deepest connection.

Most of us don’t walk around wearing masks in a deliberate, malicious attempt to fool people. It’s a taught habit, mirrored for us when we’re young. It’s safe to bet that the majority of the adults in your childhood also had their own versions of masks that you witnessed. And in order to fit into your family with its own familial financial conditioning and money rules, your own mask began to take shape. And yes, when you’re young it *is* safer to adopt this mask to fit in and be well-liked by your caregivers and family. So we carry that with us into adulthood until something consciously asks us to take another look. And until we consciously look at this, we will also unknowingly pass along these masks to our children.

A big part of any healing process is learning to take down your masks. Un-learning what was modeled to you as a child and re-learning what you innately know, listening to the divine guidance within you. A process of slowly beginning to present the real you to the world. To yourself. Allowing people to see you fully and accepting that you can’t (and shouldn’t want to!) control others perceptions of you. 

When you begin to open yourself to being vulnerable with your finances, you deepen your connection and relationship with money. And the ripple effect will be felt in all of your relationships because how you do one thing is how you do them all.

So why not lower the mask just a little? Start to take a look at the un-learning journey you’re being called towards.

If you are ready to dig deeper into your un-learning around your relationship with money join us in my new Facebook group (Transform Your Relationship with Money). I’ll be opening the group later this week to share my journey + ways that you can begin or continue your journey. Thanks for reading! xo

You’re not supposed to talk about that.

One of my missions is to end the stigma around talking openly about money.

I remember ten years ago early on in my marriage, I had someone outside of my immediate family ask me an innocuous question about my salary at a new job. Didn’t want details, just wanted to make sure we had enough and all was well for us, purely out of love. But I remember the immediate reaction of horror I had that I was being asked a question about *my* money. Full body visceral reaction to being asked to answer a question about whether or not “I had enough”.
Why did I react this way? Because my conditioned belief was that you 👏 don’t 👏 talk 👏 about 👏 money. It’s rude, that topic is private and it’s nobody’s business but yours and your family. This unspoken familial rule (that has likely been passed down for generations) was that money stories should stay hidden. That it is safer to keep my money story private because if I don’t, I will be judged. So it was vital to stay quiet to stay safe and accepted.

And you know what happens when you hide things, especially out of familial conditioning?
You create shame.
So I’ve been carrying a lot of shame around money for a lot of years. And only until a few years ago when I consciously addressed the healing I needed around this shame, was I able to begin to truly SEE and change my habits around money. And release the shame I had created by staying quiet.
Money is simply a tool. 
But when we begin to tie our self-worth to this tool, we create an energetic fissure between us and money. And we begin to make assumptions about who we are as people based on the amount of money we do or don’t have. When the two shouldn’t be correlated (more on this to come).

So if you take anything away from my story, I’d love it to be a fresh look at your own money stories. What beliefs do you have around money? And where did they come from? What purpose do they serve you (whether you view them as good or bad)?

Awareness precedes choice. And choices create new habits. 💋

If I can support you on this journey as you uncover the missing puzzle pieces to your relationship with money, you know where to find me! Click here to schedule a free, no-obligation call where we can discuss what I do and how I can support you.